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Mikael and I

Just seconds after I got the news about expecting triplets, my thoughts went to Mikael (who was just 1.5 years old at the time) and how he would deal with this massive change and how it would effect our relationship with him.

Now – a year later – I will say it went much better than feared, but that there have still been some bumps in the road. Mostly in the relationship between him and me.

I got a sick leave as early as 17 weeks pregnant because of nausea and dizzy spells, and was told not to carry or lift my son. Because of that, my husband started to change all the diapers and do all the carrying, while I laid more and more on the couch as the months went by. Mikael started getting a strong attachment to his father and would be mad at me at times for lying down. He would say things like: «Don’t sleep mommy» while I would try to reassure him that «I am here, and I am watching everything you do», but parts of me were crushed. I was so sad not being physical able to commit to him a 100 % in the time before his three siblings would arrive and our life would change forever. And I cried many times because I felt a sort of detachment from my little son.

Then the babies arrived, and we were anxiously waiting for the moment where Mikael would meet them for the first time, the day after the birth. I also missed him, being away at the hospital for 1.5 days.

The first meeting with the babies was a success: He was so calm and looked at them with a serious and curious look. But at the arrival he just wanted his father. He wouldn’t go to me at all. I got so so sad, but had to put on a brave face and pretend everything was great. I decided that I would do everything in my power to win him back, and I knew that I had some work to do.

The first time I changed his diapers after the triplets arrived, it felt so strange. My 2 year old son looked like a gigantic kid lying on the changing table. I remember feeling a sort of disconnection between us all of a sudden, which felt awful. I guess my mind was overwhelmed with everything that had happened, but I really just wanted it to be like it used to between us. We came home from the hospital after 9 days, and every morning Mikael called after his father when he woke up in the morning.

I kept giving him all the attention I possibly could, and we tried to work out the days so that I could pick him up from the kindergarten and put him to bed at night. I could still feel some anger from him towards me, and even though he coped really well with three new siblings at home, I could see he still felt I was a bit unavailable because of all the time I was sitting in the couch breastfeeding and pumping. But as time went by, things got smoother day by day.

And after three months he finally yelled «mommy!» one morning, and I knew we were back on track. Me and him, him and me. And I understood how much I had missed us.

Mamma og Mikael.

4 comments

  • Denise

    What a beautiful post! I felt the same with my son after his sister was born. He got so angry at me for disappearing in the middle of the night (I went into labor unexpectedly 12hrs before my planned cesarean) and then come back home 3 days later not being able to pick him up due to the surgery. He treated be poorly, regressed on toilet training and would do everything on the floor if he was alone with me. He was 3yro then and I cried so so much with guilt for not being 100% with him anymore. But it all passed and we both adjusted. Now my youngest is 17 months old and the siblings adore each other. I still feel torn, as if I can’t be fully present with any of them, but the guilt is gone. I do my best, they are crazy for each other (and fight a lot too, like normal siblings. lol) and I know things you get easier month by month.

    Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job! 😉

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  • Ingrid

    Så koselig! Flink du er til å skrive 🙂

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